May 26, 2010

Read it and Weep!

Those are the words that come to mind when I think about my accomplishments. This past week was a week of celebrating. Definitely a catch-22, as you want to celebrate achieving such a great weight loss and reaching your goal, but what does "celebrating" mean to me now?? Before it meant chowing down on taco bell or some type of Mexican food and then drinking heavily. :) :) hahah. But now what does it mean?? I really had to think about this. I WANT to celebrate.. but I DON'T want to fall back into old habits. The thought of that is scary. So I just ate like I am SUPPOSED to, had a few drinks on the weekend, but ultimately just spread the news of my accomplishments and of course BOUGHT A NEW DRESS, size SMALL:) ( I didn't say my shopping addiction had been cured hahaha.) 

So this week I went onto short term maintenance. This means slowly adding more calories in and adding starches back into my diet. Yes, the whole week I had mild panic attacks just thinking of the thought of adding starches back into my diet. I like the way I am eating now! jeez why do I have to change I know this works waaaaaa waaaaaa waaaaaa some one call the WAAAAAAAMBULANCE. What if I eat too much and I gain weight? What if I fall back to my old habits? What if? What if? What if? ... OK CARRIE I GET IT.. ZIP IT. This was my inner dialouge all week long. Finally, yesterday rolls around, and it was time to sit myself down and really think about why I was freaking out so badly. Clearly, the nutrionist KNOWS what she is doing, and I clearly have made a commitment to myself. I suppose for me being a crazy yo - yo dieter as long as I can remember it seems that the weight can just instantly come back, and it is SCARY. But this time is different. I have taken control of food, its not in control of me. I think all the concerns I have are valid and do need to be there in the BACK of my mind to keep me in check, but they don't need to OVERWHELM my thoughts like they had been doing this week. I have shown I can do it and WILL keep on continuing to do it.

Now its Wednesday, and of course even after my pep talk to myself, I am nervous for the weigh in this morning. So I step on the scale... 130. OK, ok! yes they know what they are doing, its all going to be ok. I find out I have actually lost 2 more pounds of fat bringing me down to 23% fat heck yes. For this upcoming week calories have been up-ed a little more which STILL makes me nervous but I am more trusting. Trust the process Carrie! So I look into this week confidently, knowing I don't need to freak out when I have a starch, it is healthy, and I will do great.

I like all people with food problems know I will still have struggles from time to time. For me more mental than anything. But I have the tools to take these struggles, acknowledge them and put them aside. Nothing is stopping me. This is just the beginning of the rest of my life, this is NOT the finish line.

1 comment:

  1. Good Job Carrie...My counselor made me cry last week when she told me that I will have moments when I will indulge (a birthday party, vacation, etc.) but she said I know how to handle it now and I am a new person. I think you too are a changed person and will know how to handle eating now. Good for you for losing more fat this week.