MODERN OBSESSIONS

2012-01-08T14:17:00.002-05:00

Life Changers.

Well it has been ages since I even thought about blogging. My modern obsessions have seemed to change various directions over 2011. For a while on this blog, my focus was weight loss, and achieving goals I never thought possible.

Well Ironically on Friday morning at 9am I found myself in the waiting room of the Medi Weight Loss clinc (with my tail slightly between my legs I might add). Folks I maintained my weight for a year + but honestly managed to put quite a few pounds back on during the year of 2011.

During my medi appt. I met with one of the dieticians (insert whatever their official titles are) to go over what had happened and why I was back. After discussing the past few months and getting over all the EXCUSES I had of why I gained 20+ pounds back. She made a great point. IN a lot of our lives when great major life events / changes occur it throws us off track.

Well in hind sight I guess you can say getting engaged, planning for a wedding, and starting your own side business can be considered a major life change. I can't promise I am going to be an avid blogger. But I would like to hope in the next few months I am going to blog about my NEW modern obsessions. YES THERE ARE A LOT OF THEM.

Friends, family, strangers what have you, I plan to attempt to start blogging about juggling my full time job (which I love), my side business (which is a new Love), wedding planning (which completely overwhelms me and I will love when the day is here), and my journey to achieve a balanced life of eating right and excercising regularly aka losing the pounds I gained, and then maintaining.

Juggling all these things seems like there is this intense mountain in front of me, but I know with Derek by my side and taking one day at a time, this can be accomplished!

No this is not a new years resolution, but for some reason a new year does bring people new hopes. And for me, it helps me re-set, re-vise, and re-think. We're not perfect that is for sure. All I can hope if for a bright future, to stop making excuses and get it done. Fear of the unknown is what causes worry. Time to take the unknown head on once again.

2011-03-17T22:50:00.001-04:00

the Right foot forward or is it the left?

Hello readers, well its been months since I have posted on this blog and its about dang time to update / start posting again! When I FINALLY hit my goal weight in the summer of 2010 a new problem seemed to arise. One thing many who struggle with their weight DON'T think about is what happens when you finally achieve your goal??

After about a month of transitioning into the "wellness" plan and maintaining my weight, I felt like I was in a limbo area. I created a new goal of running a half marathon which at the time was a GREAT goal. I happily crossed that finish line in November. However, I didn't realize what was really going on... For years I was always looked in the mirror and would say well one day I will be skinny.. or when I am skinny... Well ladies and gentleman I am here, what do I look in the mirror and say now?? Yes I am so thankful for where I am at and so happy with what I have achieved. I have so much more confidence than I could have ever imagined. I think every step in anyones' weight-loss journey has a difficult aspect to it and of course "maintaining" the weight is another challenge in itself. But if for years your mentality is to get skinny/get fit how do you stop this need and want, and be happy with maintaining.

During the holidays I really fell off the bandwagon when it came to eating right and exercizing, almost in a self sabotaging way. Almost unconsciously gaining weight so I could have the goal of losing it again! I of course re-evaluated when jan. 1st 2011 came around and after those first few weeks in January did some serious self reflection. I think for every woman who finally achieves their weight - loss dream on the occasion they still see the old person they used to be or begin to obsess that they are going to back to how they were. So in my reflection I realized I am just as guilty as all average american women about STILL standing in front of the mirror and picking those last few areas that "could be better" apart. Recognizing the problem is the first step in releasing yourself from this re-occurring behavior right?? Its pretty insane how body image is ingrained in all of our minds to the point where it is second nature.

Anywho, I have devised a plan to begin complete and full acceptance... Instead of being the "person who in the past year lost weight" or the "person who used to be overweight" embracing the idea that I am a "person who IS fit and healthy" .. creating a NEW story about who I AM not reliving an old story about who I WAS. Its almost the same idea for people who smoke and their mentality when they finally overcome the addiction and are smoke free. Instead of thinking of themselves as a person who used to smoke but thinking of themselves as someone who doesn't smoke. Does that make any sense??

Its time to move and put whatever foot it is thats best forward. I have managed to maintain my weight, with a few extra pounds here and a few less pounds there, for almost a year. I have now enlisted the help of a personal trainer. Not for reasons to lose any more weight but to help me get in a great fitness routine. To help me create the story / journey of the now. The story that Carrie is a healthy fit person that can kick ass and take names!

2010-06-24T10:52:00.000-04:00

Recommitting...

Well I am officially in the wellness phase. The past month I have managed to stay between 129-131 using the tools medi has given me. Slowly increasing my calorie intake and carbs. The largest wake up call was last week when I was asked to start separating dairy from my protein count. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!???? Dairy made up at least half of my protein count. Are you people insane. After leaving my appointment last week I was flipping out. I had to really rethink my habitual meal plan and start from scratch. I had to eat 700 calories of just straight meat/ real protein and ONLY 2 servings (80 cals) of dairy. WHAT???? Well, of course after re-evaluating things in my mind, Medi was doing something right again. By changing things up just a bit, I have and had to totally re-think about what is going in my mouth. I had to refocus and recommit to this new phase in my journey. Previously I had the acute/lose weight phase down pat, I had a routine and was at the point where I didn't need to think about what I was doing... and that my friends is where you can start getting into trouble. When you don't think! So with me having to redo my daily meal plan and actually write things down again, I feel like I have recommitted to what I am putting in my mouth and am re-focused. Its Great!!

In recommitting or refocusing if you will, as I was already committed but just need to hone in my mind... I decided to get back to a thing Derek and I had been doing the first few months I began the program. At the first week of each month we both would measure arms, legs, chest, waist, hips, and neck, AND take photos of us in our swim suits. My swim suit being a suit he bought me for my birthday last year that was WAY TO SMALL and he must of been on drugs to think I would fit in it. Well NOW I DO FIT IN IT. Actually the bottoms are even a little to big! Thats right! I reluctantly have decided to post the pics to inspire those reading this. Yes they are incredibly embarrassing and No I really don't want to show the world BUT it is a great accomplishment and all those on their own journey need to see what you can accomplish when you put your mind to it! So Here are the results:

                         January 1st 2009                    June 1st 2010

Arms:                       13"                                           10 1/4"
Neck:                      14.5"                                           13"
Thigh:                        23"                                          20 1/4"
Calve:                     14 1/2"                                          15"
Hips:                         43"                                          36 1/2"
Waist:                     36 1/2"                                        27"
Chest:                     41 1/4"                                        35"

Food Spot Light:

If you know me I probably have already mentioned this to a few of you but every morning I have a Vega Vitamin Shake. You have to get used to the taste but now I actually look forward to this in the morning. It covers my daily vitamin (as I hate taking pills), it also includes omega 3's, fiber, protein, probiotics, and a few other things. It really is a great addition to my meals and is VERY filling!! You can find it at GNC or you can get it off amazon for like 20 dollars cheaper. There are three flavors and I usually do the Chocolate kind. SO delicious! I even have Derek eating it every morning with me! Here are a few Recipes. I count the calories toward my protein calories as it does have a decent amount of protein in it! 1/2 of one batch = 130 cal!

2010-06-09T12:29:00.001-04:00

Focused.

So I weighed in on Wed. morning. I really wasn't too worried about it or stressing like I occasionally do. I know I DID indulge this past saturday (aka a lot of Champagne and beer, yes this is a picture of me OVER INDULGING! hahaahah sometimes you need to let loose) but worked hard the rest of the week and stuck to the plan. I have so much energy and feel sooo great! Well I weighed in at 130 yes sad face for a second. So I gained a pound BUT I lost a pound of fat annnnd my water was up along with my fat free mass aka more muscles :) And for once with gaining a pound, which is mainly due to water, I don't feel defeated and am VERY happy. Many times before this weighing in at Medi, I would get down on myself for being up a pound even if it was due to water weight. But today I am ok with it! I know I am doing what I need to do, my body is looking fantastic, and I am very focused and HAPPY. I am currently 130 pounds with 30 pounds of fat on me and 100 pounds of Fat free mass.. ummm that is pretty darn good! woo hoo. It almost looks like I know what I am doing when I go to the gym hahah.

Being on short term maintenance and adding (now) two starches during the day it has definitely up-ed my energy and I can perform much better when it comes to my workouts. I feel more driven and feel like I can do a lot more. Yesterday in Spin I pushed it very hard and to another level, and never have sweat so much! It was a great feeling. My new goal really is to tone up. (Arms and stomach mainly). I will continue to focus and keep my eye on the prize. I KNOW I am doing everything I possibly can and am so proud! Nothing is standing in my way. I am making a commitment for June to workout 4-5 times a week and vary the works out as to keep muscle confusion going.

Food Spotlight

For those of you adding starches back in or who are on a regular diet and looking for a VERY healthy grain/starch to eat. I recommend Ezekial bread products. They contain no gluten or flour. The english muffins are especially tasty. Per serving they are 80 calories which is exactly what my medi short term plan calls for. They give me incredible energy and I love it! Currently I have a 1/2 of a whole wheat english muffin from ezekial and for lunch I have one slice of the whole wheat bread 4:9 Ezekial. Ezekial products can definitely be found at Harris Teeter in the frozen section, and most likely at any whole foods store in the frozen section.

2010-06-06T12:06:00.000-04:00

MIRROR.

I look in the mirror these days and wonder who the heck is staring back at me. This friday I was at the gym lifting weights (please say that in your head like arnold swarz. would say, I love Arnold impressions) and I am looking in the mirror to make sure I have correct form. During these reps you really have to focus and reflect. After the third rep, I look around and then really take a look at myself and think WHO IS THIS>???? I would have never imagined I could come so far. If you would have asked me in January or even February to "lift weights" at the Dowd YMCA with all the people who look good and "know" what they are doing, I would of laughed at you and said YEA RIGHT. I definitely hardly recognize my body. With the commitments I have made to Medi Weightloss and going to YMCA classes 4-5 days a week I have transformed my figure, mind, confidence, you name it, its blossomed.

So this week I weighed in on thursday, as I wanted to move the weigh-in later into the week, after having a large memorial day party and knowing I over indulged. So I step on the scale expecting to be up a pound. BUT I get on the scale and ..... 129. REALLY 129! I can't believe it. Never in my wildest dreams could I ever imagine to be in the 120's. I am 5'2 so its fitting but still I thought it was just "not for me." You know the usual excuses "I'm big boned" "I have more muscle than most" if you have struggled with weight you know the sayings to make yourself believe there is a reason you aren't a certain weight. Well I am here to tell you you can do it. I set my goal at 130 thinking that was ridiculous but I broke into the 120's. Its just another amazing surprise and accomplishment I thought was NEVER possible.

I think what has helped me most is truly believing in the process. Being confident that it is going to work and not stressing or worrying that for some reason it isn't going to work. I really think we all have self-fufilling prophecies. If you are worried or think you aren't going to do well then there is a good chance you won't do as well as you should have. But if you truly believe, even visualize the process you will achieve what you want. Clearly not saying this works all the time. I have my weeks where I am negative nelly but I do think the more positive you stay and focus on all the great things you have achieved you will / can expedite your results.

Food Spotlight
OK so I am going to start having tips that get me through the week. This week I will suggest greek yogurt. Google it, whatever you want. It has great benefits. Double the protein. Just a really good thing to eat. Very filling. I love it. I have either Chobani vanilla or Oikos by Stoneyfield vanilla 110 calories. I eat one of these every day and it is a GREAT source of protein.

2010-05-26T09:39:00.000-04:00

Read it and Weep!

Those are the words that come to mind when I think about my accomplishments. This past week was a week of celebrating. Definitely a catch-22, as you want to celebrate achieving such a great weight loss and reaching your goal, but what does "celebrating" mean to me now?? Before it meant chowing down on taco bell or some type of Mexican food and then drinking heavily. :) :) hahah. But now what does it mean?? I really had to think about this. I WANT to celebrate.. but I DON'T want to fall back into old habits. The thought of that is scary. So I just ate like I am SUPPOSED to, had a few drinks on the weekend, but ultimately just spread the news of my accomplishments and of course BOUGHT A NEW DRESS, size SMALL:) ( I didn't say my shopping addiction had been cured hahaha.)

So this week I went onto short term maintenance. This means slowly adding more calories in and adding starches back into my diet. Yes, the whole week I had mild panic attacks just thinking of the thought of adding starches back into my diet. I like the way I am eating now! jeez why do I have to change I know this works waaaaaa waaaaaa waaaaaa some one call the WAAAAAAAMBULANCE. What if I eat too much and I gain weight? What if I fall back to my old habits? What if? What if? What if? ... OK CARRIE I GET IT.. ZIP IT. This was my inner dialouge all week long. Finally, yesterday rolls around, and it was time to sit myself down and really think about why I was freaking out so badly. Clearly, the nutrionist KNOWS what she is doing, and I clearly have made a commitment to myself. I suppose for me being a crazy yo - yo dieter as long as I can remember it seems that the weight can just instantly come back, and it is SCARY. But this time is different. I have taken control of food, its not in control of me. I think all the concerns I have are valid and do need to be there in the BACK of my mind to keep me in check, but they don't need to OVERWHELM my thoughts like they had been doing this week. I have shown I can do it and WILL keep on continuing to do it.

Now its Wednesday, and of course even after my pep talk to myself, I am nervous for the weigh in this morning. So I step on the scale... 130. OK, ok! yes they know what they are doing, its all going to be ok. I find out I have actually lost 2 more pounds of fat bringing me down to 23% fat heck yes. For this upcoming week calories have been up-ed a little more which STILL makes me nervous but I am more trusting. Trust the process Carrie! So I look into this week confidently, knowing I don't need to freak out when I have a starch, it is healthy, and I will do great.

I like all people with food problems know I will still have struggles from time to time. For me more mental than anything. But I have the tools to take these struggles, acknowledge them and put them aside. Nothing is stopping me. This is just the beginning of the rest of my life, this is NOT the finish line.

2010-05-19T10:07:00.002-04:00

GO.

On sunday, as I sit on the plane ride home from a crazy weekend of visiting with friends and enjoying a bachelorette party and bridal shower, I look down and see one of those awesome airplane magazines. I look closer and on the front cover (actual title of magazine) it says " there is nothing stopping you... GO." On a plane out of nowhere this statement resonates with in me. It is a short to the point statement. Nothing fancy ... there is nothing stopping YOU.. go. It causes me to reflect on my journey of overcoming weight. The only thing stopping me was myself. It seems we create excuse after excuse on why we can't do something. Only you and yourself alone can break through these excuses and move forward. If we put our minds to it we can do anything.. and we DESERVE to be able to do anything we want!!! It is not easy by any means and usually takes some type of wake up call.. mine being seeing pictures of myself and barely fitting into my fat clothes hahaha. But I really think this statement is going to be something I hold close to me. There is nothing stopping you... GO. Its empowering.

So this leads me to today... I definitely woke up late and needed to get to my Medi appt. at 8 am. After a crazy week I wasn't sure what kind of number I was going to pull. Knowing I tried my hardest to stay on course with a little indulgence here and there I walked into the clinic holding my head high. So time to step on the scale......................................................................130. WHAT????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With may I add a 2.5 fat loss and down from 36 inch waist to a 27 inch waist... Again there is NOTHING STOPPING ME.. I can do and go anywhere I want. I finally reached my goal. It feels amazing. No this is not the finish line for me by any means. It is just the beginning of working toward a life of health, well - being, happiness, and confidence. I KNOW I can achieve whatever I want. Its not just about the weight its about overcoming a lot of things over a while, and seeing benefits I never could have imagined.

I know the task seems sooo daunting when you are starting out. But is just takes the first step.. going day by day... it doesn't happen overnight... but before you know it you will be there. Failing will happen it just depends what you do and how you handle it when you hit a bump in the road. Believe in yourself and you can make great things happen.

THERE IS NOTHING STOPPING YOU... GO.

2010-05-03T12:21:00.000-04:00

Stepping out of your COMFORT ZONE

So as most of us know in life we are all about comfort. And for me and many others Food brings us comfort, thats how we get to all of a sudden be where we dont want to be! We turn to what brings us comfort. Well this weekend I confidently broke through my comfort zone.

It was Derek and I's one and a half year anniversary and he has been bound and determined to take me to get sushi. I have been very resistant seeing as I really don't like fish. Well we went. And I confidently tried sushi. I did not freak out or get nervous before putting the first piece in my mouth. I ate with confidence. And guess what... I loved it. It was soo good! (a little chewy) but it was really delicious. Its so funny the fears we have in our heads and when we tackle them.. hey it isnt that bad and we actually might end up enjoying it!

So for comfort zone number two, this is a biggy. (Yes even bigger than eating sushi!!!). So I feel like every girl / woman I know loves to pick apart her own body. I have things I love and things I hate! well my mid section is definitely a part of me I am not so fond of. I could pick apart every thing I don't like for a few paragraphs but will spare you. :) Anyways I decided it was time to celebrate how far I have come and tell my body thank you for cooperating and getting me to where I am at. So I did the unthinkable! (for me at least). I went out in public with a cute sports bra and work out pants.. NO SHIRT to cover up my tummy. I walked 5 miles all over town to show off my hard work. NO its not perfect and YES I wish it was more toned here, here, here and there. But its time to embrace my accomplishment and love my midsection! I did get stares and beeps on my walk whether good or bad I was making a statement for myself. It was liberating and a great confidence boost!!! I think everyone should step out of their comfort zone every once in a while.. Amazing things may happen!

And to top all of it off.. I weighed in today.... and 132.4 I will take it! So close to goal. I have no expectations and will keep working hard. I am just SO HAPPY!!!

2010-04-26T13:00:00.001-04:00

YOU SPIN MY HEAD RIGHT ROUND, RIGHT ROUND

Alright where do I start..... This weekend was all about MIND OVER MATTER. On Saturday I decided to challenge myself at the gym. As I have previously stated I AM OBSESSED with the Biggest Loser and this season they have had a few challenges involving cycling 26.2 miles as fast as they can. Sam the most fit contestant currently, finished it in an hour and sixteen minutes. So I decided I wanted to try and cycle the 26.2 under his time. This is the first time I have cycled not in a spin class, and it was much more difficult with out having someone yelling at you the whole time haha. Well I would like to say I finished it in one hour and two minutes!!! I am so proud! Just another thing off the check list of accomplishment. Though I might make this a bi-weekly habit, as I really enjoyed it!and it was a great work out!!!

So Today rolls around and its weigh-in time 8am. I am feeling pretty confident considering I got exactly my 600 calories of protein in and excercised REALLY hard all week! Had a few chances to drink alcohol but passed and offered to DD for everyone. So I step on the scale... 134.5.. CRAP. I disappointingly get off and wonder what is up! Well turns out I was up in water and fat free muscle weight BUT lost 2 pounds of fat!! Now here is the conundrum. My brain is like crap you gained a pound, but at the same time I lost two pounds of fat.. GET OVER IT CARRIE YOU SHOULD BE EXTATIC. Its sooo funny I think all of us who have struggled with our weight most of our lives know we can get so stuck on numbers or a number. Really as I read over some of the Medi Facebook pages I see women getting frustrated cause the numbers they want to come up aren't coming up when they want, and really same with the biggest loser. My number currently being that I want to be at 130 ...(damnit!) But I feel like we need to get over this whole number thing. MYSELF INCLUDED. HELLO. Why in the heck am I beating myself up about a pound? I think it really has to do with re-training your brain. Recognizing it, saying ok, and then doing something about it. As of today through medi weightloss I have lost 24.5 pounds and 22.5 pounds of it being fat .. I think that is ok.. really I am not saying that for anyone else but myself.. I need to say it out loud... ITS GOOD CARRIE.

So as I head toward reaching goal I am breaking through mind barriers (which is crucial) and moving forward. As of now I plan to start training for a half marathon in the near future to set a new, once thought "impossible", goal to accomplish. With still an attachment to my number 130, I continue to work hard and eat right. I believe we all have inner struggles, its not easy, but when you put your mind to it and embrace the whole MIND OVER MATTER mantra, we all can accomplish our goals and know we deserved to do such things!

2010-04-22T14:15:00.003-04:00

Your Inner Fitness Guru

Well, I successfully lost weight after traveling to Palm Beach Gardens, Florida and eating out for every meal!! Yikes! it was a daunting task and I was pretty sure the results would not be good when I weighed in this Monday. Considering its impossible to tell how many calories you are consuming when you eat out. I just stuck to making sure I left food on the plate, ate salads with dressing on the side and made sure to eat lean protien minus the yummy but fatty hotdog I had .. EEK. It is now day 103 and weighed in at 133 on monday :) day 99. 3 pounds away from goal!

During the trip I brought my workout clothes but they did NOT get used. However on a spur of the moment trip to this wonderful place called peanut island, a few miles were walked to check out the scenery.. kind of an impromptu workout you could say. I estimate we walked at least 3-4 miles, minus the sun burn it was great!

Now to the point of this blog, because I am SOOO forgetful I of course left my reading material and electronics at home, so I had to get a magazine to entertain myself in the airport. I purchased Women's Health on my way to Florida, and purchased Fitness on the way back to Charlotte. OK people, I usually read fashion magazines and really only glance through them maybe reading an article or two. But let me tell you both of these health magazines I read cover to cover. I found so many great tips and inspirational/motivational ideas. It really released my inner fitness guru!! Just after reading the ONE issue of these two magazines I feel doubly informed about different things and even more confident that I will stay in the best shape.

Its kind of funny, for those of you who are obsessed with the biggest loser like I am, you notice the last 10-8 people left on the show usually change their careers and go into a fitness/wellness/motivational speaking career.. I GET IT NOW. My inner fitness monster is starting to be unleashed. And its amazing, the next few blogs I will post things I found that are really fascinating and has me googling uncontrollably!!!

Perhaps your just starting to get fit, contemplating it but find the task too daunting (yes I like that word), or are almost at the end of your journey. Wherever you are at I believe we all have an inner fitness guru and ANYONE can tap into it!~

It's ok to tell me I am tiny.. I LIKE IT.

2010-04-14T13:55:00.000-04:00

Its so funny in this day and age that so many people are afraid to ask about weight. YES, its inappropriate to say looks like you gained weight. BUT I can tell you if there is a noticeable difference and its positive GO FOR IT. I believe I have accomplished what I ultimately thought was impossible. I am so proud to say I currently weigh 134! (thanks to all of you who have commented it goes a long long way and creates even more motivation for myself!) Seriously people I haven't weighed this since Freshman year of high school or 8Th grade (clearly have blocked it out of my mind!). So I am telling you right now, its OK to comment that someone looks smaller.. even if they haven't lost any weight its usually a great ego boost. Me at 134 ... 4 pounds to go :) This brings me to another point.. I have recently gotten comments that if I don't stop loosing soon I am going to blow away.. I think this is an interesting comment.. Perhaps one's ultimate progress and achievement is intimidating to some? I know what too skinny is and I am no where near that. I suppose I laugh this comment off but its hard to tell if its a compliment or what. All I can say is currently my goal is to be 130. I am four pounds away and NOTHING is going to stop me to getting there. It is achievable and I WILL accomplish it!! The key to everything is believing you can do it and you deserve to achieve such things. Realizing this has opened up my mind to many possibilities and I have gained so much in all aspects of life.

Blog Start

2010-04-09T14:51:00.000-04:00

Keep in mind this is UNDER CONSTRUCTION. These days I obsessively google things and figure I can use that time to start blogging about things I come across, whether it be fitness or diet information, cool architecture, photoshop tutorials I like, make-up and hair how-tos, ... really anything that seems to cross my mind. Enjoy.